Weinerschnitzel Burbank: Where's the DER?

(DER) WEINERSCHNITZEL
3203 W Alameda Bl, Burbank
818.841.1917
Click for a Map to Wienerschnitzel Burbank

PARTICULARS:
Standard Dog, All Beef Jumbo Dog,
Polish Sausage, Italian Sausage, Healthy
Choice Plastic Dogs, Corn Dogs, Chili,
Sauerkraut, BBQ Bacon, Chicken
Sandwich, Hamburgers, Fries, Breakfast
Burrito, Chili Cheese Burrito
Health Department Rating: A

DISTINCTIONS:
79 cent Chili Dogs after 9pm and on Sunday
Open late.



Steve Doggie-Dogg is a rare breed... he's a third generation Los Angeleno. He actually *belongs* here! When you grow up in LA, the words "hot dog" bring one particular name into your mind... Der Wienerschnitzel. "The Schnitz" as locals call it, has been a highly visible part of the SoCal scene for over 40 years. In fact, Der Wienerschnitzel is credited with creating the fast food phenomenon known as the Drive Thru Window. Hundreds of red-roofed A Frames (...with holes cut in the middle to drive your car though) dot the California landscape. However, due to some freak of fate, Steve Doggie-Dogg had never set foot in one.

The other day, Jon the Food Slob was reclining on his Barcalounger, watching Star Trek reruns, when he spotted an ad for Chicago Dogs at Wienerschnitzel on his view-screen. He quickly pulled on a pair of pants, opened up hailing frequencies on his communicator and called his pals, Science Officer Steve and the two Chicago natives, Corporal L.J. Dawgg and Lieutenant Frank N. Beans. Captain Slob commanded them to beam the landing party down to the Schnitz across the street from NBC in Burbank, and advised them to set their tastebuds on "stun". Steve, L.J. and Frank were happy to oblige.



When we arrived, we were surprised to see that it was just "Wienerschnitzel"... the "Der" was nowhere to be seen, having been jettisoned by the home office a couple of years ago. Inside, the stand had the same sort of sterile, corporate charm you find at McDonalds or Jack in the Box, but there was one big difference... Wienerschnitzel has a liquor license! We were sorely tempted to sit down and relax with a pitcher while we decided on our order. We hemmed and hawed over whether to get beer or not until Jon the Food Slob noticed a sign on the wall saying that Chili Dogs were half price after nine. It was 8:45... We didn't need any more temptation. A pitcher was ordered and we started scribbling out our order on the back of a placemat.

Wienerschnitzel has several kinds of dogs... a Standard Dog, an All Beef Jumbo Dog, Polish Sausage, Italian Sausage and Healthy Choice dogs made of some sort of indigestible foam rubber. They even have a Corn Dog, a speciality that never fails to make Jon the Food Slob's mouth water. The Schnitz house specialty is the Chili Dog. Supposedly, they still use the same chili recipe that the founder of Wienerschnitzel, John Galardi invented for the joint way back in 1961. We drafted a long list of dogs to sample... four Chicagos, four Chili Cheeses, two Corn Dogs, a Polish dressed Chicago style, an Italian Sausage with grilled onions and peppers, and a wild card described on the menu only as "All Beef Angels Dog".



Since he was the only LA native in the group, Steve was elected to place the order. He asked the kid behind the counter if any of the dogs had natural casings. "Huh? What's a natural casing?" The manager looked up from the grill and shrugged his shoulders too. "I have another question... What happened to the 'Der' in Der Wienerschnitzel?". "Huh?" was the answer again. "How about this... If I sing the whole Der Wienerschnitzel theme song, can I have a free hot dog?" "Huh?" the kid replied for the third time. "I didn't know there was a theme song... But I'm not allowed to give away free..." Steve interrupted him, " Well what if I DON'T sing the theme song... that's gotta be worth a free dog!" The kid was totally confused and befuddled by this time, so Steve took a deep breath and launched into the jingle that every kid in his elementary school knew by heart back in the mid-sixties...

Yum! Yum! Yum! Yum!
Der Wienerschnitzel!
Come! to Der Wienerschnitzel!
Wienerschitzel hot dogs are the top dogs!
They taste so yummy-yum!
Every bite is full of fun!
Bring your Dad and Mummie!
You'll be so happy when you come! Come! COME!
Der Wieners are Der-Lightfful!
Der's fun in every bite!
Sooooo... Have a happy Wienerschnitzel!
HOT DOG!

When Steve finished singing, the kid behind the counter stared at him blankly and the whole joint fell into an uncomfortable silence. "Oh well... I guess you had to be there..." Steve apologized and gave the kid the list of dogs to grill up. When he returned to the table, Jon, L.J. and Frank gave him a cheerful round of applause. Steve bowed and sat down to wait for our order to arrive. It didn't take long...



That was quite a formidable pile of dogs for 23 bucks! We tore right into them to see how they stacked up. The All Beef Jumbo dogmeat was nicely spiced for a package dog... no snap, but no worse than the ones at Taste Chicago. The Standard Dog was downright meager in comparison. It had absolutely nothing going for it. The Polish Sausage was pretty much identical in size, composition and taste to the All Beef Jumbo Dog. We had a very hard time telling the Polish Chicago apart from the All Beef Jumbo Chicago. The Italian Sausage wasn't really much of a sausage either... In fact, it resembled those weird mutant Oscar Meyer Italian dogs at 7-11. Jon the Food Slob enthused about the Corn Dog, but Steve was skeptical. "How can you tell if it's a good dog with all that corn crap all over it?!" Jon wasn't listening to any of Steve's chatter. He just sat there with half-lidded eyes, munching away on the Corn Doggity goodness, saying, "MMmmmm... MMmm-MMMM!"



Next, the two Chicago natives chomped into the Schnitz's Chi-town specials. "Where are the poppy seed buns?" L.J. asked. "Wait! They sprinkled poppy seeds on top of the dog... Weird!" There were no Sport Peppers on these Chi-Dogs, just Pepperocini, like at Rubin's Red Hot. The relish was authentic electric green though, and the side pickle was tasty and crisp. The onions and tomatoes were nice and fresh... overall, not a bad tasting dog. But the meat didn't exactly compare to a real Vienna Beef dog with natural casing. The chili on the Chili Dogs was considerably better than the slop we've been getting lately. At least it had meat in it and wasn't full of flour. But it wasn't any better than your average canned chili. Everyone agreed that even at 79 cents, the Chili Dog wasn't much of a bargain... If you're dead set on a Chili Dog, spend another buck and get the chili on the much better tasting All Beef Dog.

The grilled onions and peppers on top of the Italian Sausage were OK, but again, they would taste a lot better on the Polish or Jumbo All Beef Dog than on the bland, blubbery Schnitz Italian Sausage. The toppings on the Angels Dog were a total bust... mustard, onions, cheap relish and ketchup... exactly like what you get at the movie theater. At least the Angels Dog was made with the All Beef Jumbo Dog. That was one point in its favor. But everyone, even Steve the LA homeboy, agreed that the Chicago toppings were a lot better than the hometown team's. Two last details to mention... The only kind of cheese at Wienerschnitzel is good old American, and refills on the Cokes were free. All in all, not too shabby a showing for a fast food chain.



Now came the tough part. How were we going to rate this joint? The Standard and Italian Dogs were pretty awful... in the same league as 7-11 dogs. But the All Beef Jumbo and Polish weren't bad at all for a dog without natural casing. We argued among ourselves, throwing numbers back and forth for a few minutes. Finally, Steve Doggie-Dogg decided the only way to determine an accurate Dog Rating was to compare the Schnitz directly to other places we've reviewed...

"Is it better than Pinks with a One and a Half Dog Rating?" Steve queried. Jon the Food Slob piped up, saying that the Schnitz Chili Dog, mediocre as it was, was a lot better than the Huell Howser monstrosity he couldn't bring himself to finish at Pinks. "Is it better than Costco at Two Dogs?" Everyone agreed that it was indeed better than a "parking lot dog". "Working our way up, what about Taste Chicago with Two and a Half Dogs?" L.J. scratched his head and thought carefully, "I don't know. It's really close..." "Next up the list is Rubin's Red Hot at Three Dogs." We all agreed that Rubin's was clearly better, so we unanimously decided to award Wienerschnitzel the respectable middle-of-the-road rating of Two and a Half Dogs.



Wienerschnitzel is a good place for Corn Dog lovers. The Chicago Dog special is pretty good too. But if you want any other kind of topping, pay a few quarters extra and get the All Beef Dog. It's a lot better than the Standard. Jon the Food Slob says he'll go back soon. He can't get his fill of the Schnitz's tasty Corn Dogs. The rest of us might wander back with him for a late night Chicago Dog. Just don't expect us to sing for our supper!